A bad case of the Fuck-its
I have had to start this post over three times because I’m trying to be positive but I’m having a helluva shitty time right now and I’m suffering from several setbacks- at work, with my fitness and goals, and even some personal things.
And all those positive sayings have passed through the first two drafts but today they just sound super fake. “A setback is just a set-up for a comeback” or “Fall 7 times, stand up 8”. Say that to me right now and I’ll smack those sayings right out of you.
Actually, I could really use some outside encouragement. My motivation to keep going is still there, I’m just experiencing setbacks.
I won’t go into the work issues. Maybe I’ll talk about some of it when certain challenges are resolved or when I figure some things out. But I can talk about my fitness setbacks.
While I realize I’m in a much better spot than this time last year, I feel I’m not where I should be (Siriusly not in the mood to hear “you are where you are supposed to be”). But more than that, I’ve regressed a bit and my confidence is flailing. Last month I did a 25 inch box jump. This week, I have fallen twice while trying to jump onto a 15-18 inch box. Tonight I actually hurt my shin. Luckily I wear long socks and use bumper plates otherwise my leg would have been fracked! Some of these PRs and milestones are 95% getting over mental blocks and when I’ve failed twice in one week at something that should be fine for me, my confidence plummets.
I did find something that felt like providence. “Beat Stress with Strength”. Why do I get the feeling this book will get read way before my Book Club selection “Omnivore’s Dilemma”?
I know this feeling and this funk will pass. But can I just wallow and fuck it all for a couple of days?